NEW SITE!

THANKS TO A FRIEND...I don't have to use Blogspot anymore...CHECK IT OUT!

http://danced.livingrarefied.com


Please leave comments on that one from now on! THANKS FOLKS!

Simple, Horrible, Great Prayer...

Last night was a very long night. I got little sleep, but I feel much closer to God. God has put prayer on my heart lately...I've been severly slacking in that area. So lately, I've been getting up a little earlier, staying up a little later...Talking with God.

Last night something was very heavy on my heart. A friend of mine had asked me to pray for them, for some temptations and struggles they were having. They didn't know the reason behind the struggles, neither did I. However, as I lay in bed last night I was thinking about when my struggles are the greatest, it is when I am insecure and afraid. So this was my prayer...

"Lord take these temptations from my friend and place them on me. Lord remove the insecurities from their heart and place them on mine. Father let their fear become my fear. This is my prayer for my friend because I want to bare their burden..."

I believe in repetitive prayer (I just say the same prayer over and over), I think that way I know it's really on my heart and I am honestly saying these words to God. After about the fourth or fifth time I said this prayer, each time I went to take a breath, my lungs got heavier. It felt as though my lungs were made of cast iron. Each breath was agony and I could feel the insecurities and fears creeping up on me. My prayer changed at that moment. It became...

"Lord please make me stronger. Make me strong enough to battle these feelings. Lord, let satan have NO reign on me...."

I repeated that prayer also. Now, I wish I could say that I am so amazingly strong that this had no effect on me. The contrary is true, I had a minor anxiety attack. I survived though and I kept praying for strength and for more of my friend's burdens. God is strengthening me through this prayer.

I need to say prayers like this more often. My prayers have been so selfish lately. I think of Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3:

"14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious richeshe may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. "

If I truly know how wide and deep the love of Christ is, I can fearlessly pray this for my friends, my persecutors, and all others whom I encounter.

Lord, help me to grasp Your love a little more each day. Father help me to be fearless and powerful in my prayer for others. Father I pray that I may be strengthened in my faith so that I can become more like You. Lord, help me to Love You and others more. Let this not just be my prayer for today, but for everyday. Amen.

Thoughts on Relationships...

Yesterday, all I kept saying (as I was stuck in NJ for 6 hours) was, "I just want to go home." Only to come home and realize that there is no perfect place. There are no perfect relationships. Life really is a rollercoaster.

My new theory with my cell phone (I got a new one 3.5 weeks ago) is to not enter numbers in it, but rather wait and see who actually calls me. Who I am important to. The reality of the matter is that those are the people who, I feel, should be important to me. We'll see how it works, so far, it's been amazing.

I also realized something else with relationships. I'm a runner. Things get tough and I run away--FAST. Right now I am avoiding going home b/c I feel like people there are unhappy with me, or disappointed in me. People from home want me there, but I can't always be there. They have VERY HIGH expectations of me, but I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes. I hate this feeling.

These are my insecurities...Being inadequate, not good enough, viewed in a bad light, not meeting expectations, hurting others.

Maybe I try to please PEOPLE too often...Maybe I should just focus on pleasing God.

Just some random info...

There is a grad program in Miami for Communications:
http://com.miami.edu/Graduate/MACommunicationStudies.htm

There is also a law school:
http://www.law.miami.edu/

Just thought I'd let you know! ;)

Thoughts...Encounters...Etc.

Greetings from Sunny Florida! Actually, it just finished downpouring...but hey, that's ok. I walked the 1.5 miles to Starbucks, making it just in time to get me sweaty and miss the storm. God is good.

Here are the things that have been on my mind since arriving in Florida 2 days ago...

Everyone needs grace. Everyone wants grace. However we are often neglectful in our efforts to extend it. At least I have been. EVERYONE is worthy of grace, Jesus made us worthy of grace...So even the creepy McCreepster sitting next to me on the plane, who kept reading my magazine, taking up half of my seat and continually recovering me with my blanket, needs grace from me. So instead of getting annoyed, I needed to just love this stranger. That is what I did. In a selfish way, I feel better for doing it.

I am privileged. Example: One may not realized how blessed she is to have a car until she doesn't have one and walks miles in the Florida heat to get to and from. Far too often I think I forget just how blessed I truly am. Thanks Jesus.

People really are GOOD AT HEART. You'd be surprised how many would disagree with this thought, however I agree with Anne Frank when she wrote, "Despite all that has happened, I still believe people are really good at heart."

People I've made friends with since being here:

1. A homeless man who creates magnificent things out of the leaves from palm trees. He is so kind and his eyes are gentle. Lastnight I spoke briefly with him, this morning I saw him bathe in the ocean. My heart breaks for him.

2. 2 taxi cab drivers. One who had a strong accent and thought I was getting married while I was down here (I'm NOT). The second, a kind old man who was giving me traveling advice for the Ft. Lauderdale area (trying to save me $$). Both, so sweet and genuine.

3. My friend I just now made at Starbucks. A nice man, who very clearly wanted to talk to me. I switched seats to a comfy chair and he struck up a conversation. He is going to give me a ride back to my hotel. I realize some would think this is unsafe, I assure you this man is not dangerous (OK REID?!). ;) He's from Michigan, has taught in Japan, and is moving to DC.

I love meeting new people, this is why it makes people nervous when I travel alone. However, maybe I take too seriously the verse, "If God is with me, who can be against me?" I always feel safe because of that. I think God likes it when I make new friends. I hope it's pleasing to Him.

By the way, God was totally showing off today. First, beautiful sunny skies, calm, glassy ocean...Then thunder, black clouds and downpour. Ah, it is magnificent what He has created.

ON MY WAY!

On my way to SUNNY Ft. Lauderdale!  Thanks to the kindness of a certain
someone, I'll have a computer and internet there (thanks), so hopefully I'll be
in touch!

I absolutely can't wait, I sometimes forget how much I love Florida!

I hope everyone has an absolutely MARVELOUS day!  Love & Be Loved!

Words...

Words that are on my heart today....

ABIDE

FAITHFUL

ACTIVE

LISTEN

HEAR

BELIEVE

LEARN

CHALLENGE

TRUST

HOPE

DO

Just thought I'd let you know and see if any of those words touch your heart....Do they?

I've added some new "Blogs I read," feel free to check them out, I like what people are sharing.

LOST

Lord, I've lost myself somewhere. I've forgotten what brings me joy and that my joy comes from You. Lord build me up, cover me in your armor, let the Evil one have no reign over me. I've been so weak lately...I've been insecure. That is spilling over unto others, it is hurting them...Father please let them forgive me. Father, please forgive me.

I look to the East, I look to the West.

But nowhere do I see me at my best.

I strapped myself in, convinced I was ready for the ride,

then when it got a little scary, my spirit died.

This rollercoaster I'm on, it has twists and turns,

At every single one my heart yearns.

It yearns for for the climb, because that's the easy part,

It weeps at the drop because that is hard on my heart.

So up and down I go, on this giant machine,

Knowing the safetybar is pointless, for it is on God I must lean.

This ride I call a journey, a venture, a walk,

Then at times I question myself, "Am I all talk?"

And who do I bring with me on this ride?

Who is brave enough to sit by my side?

This ride reflects my spirit and on the way up it is high,

However on the way down it is low and I often cry.

At the high times, friends are close and it seems there are many,

However on the way down I look through tear filled eyes and wonder, are there any?

I weep, I scream and I shout,

but I'm fastened tightly in and I cannot get out.

Even if I could,

It is doubtful I would.

Because what joy is the ride and what would I have learned,

if throughout the entire thing my heart hadn't yearned?

Will I stop riding? Yes, someday.

When the conductor returns and all the tears are washed away.

Until the end of this ride however,

I need to learn how to manage the endeavor.

How can my spirit stay high when the ride is low?

How can I shine? How can I glow?

As to please the conductor and bring a smile to His face,

As to be an example of His amazing grace?

I'll keep my eyes on the conductor, I'll keep Him in sight.

As to ride the good ride and fight the good fight.

Being Aware of What is Around Me...

I did not intend to write for some time...However I also don't believe in disobeying God when He tells you to share. So, I will share today what He has placed on my heart. I will rejoice today that God told me not to retreat, but to be strong for His names sake.

"Our social surroundings can become so polluted that we twist ourselves into shapes that we do not want to be."

I deliberately didn't list the author of this quote, it's not important who said it, but rather that is was said. I would like to share with you two things; where I live and where I come from. I live in Uptown, a trendy, classy part of Minneapolis full of interesting and exciting people...I work in Edina, a wealthy city full or rich individuals. I come from a town of 4,000 people in north-central MN, people aren't exciting, they're genuine and hearty; it's not trendy, it's home.

I've been thinking about these two places a lot lately. I've been thinking about how when I moved to Minneapolis a year ago, I cried on a weekly basis because I desired to be home, I felt empty here. Then I became submersed in my new culture. I began buying things, going out, I became trendy. Let me tell you where that got me...It got me at rock bottom in January. Lonely, in debt, emotionless, searching...

I was searching, I was found. God scooped me up in the palm of His mighty hand. He dusted me off, dried my tears and asked me to please come home. To His Home. It took awhile, you better believe it took a few months for me to shake this nonsense out of my head, remember who I was and where I came from. It took me opening my eyes and looking at the world I was and am surrounded in. Looking and knowing what of this world is important to me. Oh friends, I still have such a long way to go, but I'm getting there. I realize I know nothing of this world and have everything still to learn.

This is what has been on my heart lately...A LOT. In only 5 short days of committing myself to being focused on seeing love and listening to God, so much has been placed on my heart. Or maybe not placed, because some of it was already there, I should perhaps say it has been affirmed.

I wrote a while ago about how I don't step out of my little realm at UR and experience and embrace other cultures anymore, but how I intend to be more intentional about experiencing other worship services. I'm becoming involved with a sexual violence center as a counselor and advocate because my heart is drawn to the hurt that is there. I'm learning...Learning about others, life, the world and Jesus. Learning more than I ever remember learning. My boundaries are being stretched, my limits are being exceeded and I am being prepared.

Prepared for what you may ask? That's a good question, one which I cannot answer. I do know that I have felt for several years that God is calling me to be a public speaker. I assumed I was meant to be a motivational speaker, now I am certain He wants me to advocate. To speak for those who cannot speak, to step out of my comfort zone and to do what I am afraid to do. God is indeed preparing me for something...

I am excited and I am fearful. Friends I was being twisted into the ways of this world, I had clearly lost sight of who I was...A beloved child of God. For a moment I almost let a few people's harsh comments knock me off my feet, but praise God that I am still standing.

I delight in the fact that I know my Jesus delights in me. I rejoice in the fact that no longer will I be satisfied with having faith; I will make a greater attempt to be faithful. To act upon that faith which He has built in my heart and to act without fear. I'm rambling and I know I'm rambling, so stick with me. If I can share one thing with you today, it is that I feel there are two types of people in this world...Those who stand there and watch as something bad happens and those who do something about it. God is calling me to do something about it, what is He saying to you? It is not my desire to be content, it is my desire to be challenged.

Where I'm at

God meets us where we're at. Thanks God. Here's where I am at, today my heart is so sad as I read all these comments. Granted, not when I read all of them, but when I read some. I am overjoyed at comments from my friends, people who know who I am, people who know where I find my identity--in Christ and nothing else. I am brokenhearted when I read judgements people make about me simply by looking at pictures or by the way I word things.

It's funny...We proclaim to love in the name of Christ, yet somehow judgement gets woven into that. It makes me sad. I have a feeling that a lot of people would disagree with a lot of the things that go on in my life. I drink, I don't have a drinking problem, but I enjoy a drink from time to time. I think my cousin is one of the most amazing people in the world, he's also a great Christian man, he's also gay. I love dancing, God gave me the ability to shake my booty and I do. These are all points that tend to cause a ruckus in the Christian world.

My point is that there are so many things on which we could judge each other...So many "specks of dust" we could point out...Processing through these comments and reflecting on my own thoughts and my relationship with Christ shows me that I will choose to do neither of these...I will choose to love, for that is what I am called to do as a follower of Christ.

I got this off of Milton Stanley's blog. It's from Phil McAlmond and today this speaks strongly to me...Today I needed to be reminded of this:

"Let us get back to the simple and yet Oh so very powerful truth, message and relationship of Jesus, the Christ of the Most High God. Let us cast off everything that is religious and return to the simplicity and unity of our faith, Jesus, Jesus, no one and nothing but Jesus, the Christ of the Most High God."

I don't think I will write for awhile. The purpose of my sharing on here was not to cause controversy, it was not to breed anger or frustration or judgement, the purpose was to share what God has placed on my heart. How I have learned to love by the immense love He has shown me...How I DESIRE to be more like Him. It was not to upset people...it was not to be attacked...

So, I will take a break. I will focus on loving God and loving others and see if that leads me back to this blogging realm. Until then my friends, Peace be with you. Love and be loved.