Thoughts on Relationships...
Yesterday, all I kept saying (as I was stuck in NJ for 6 hours) was, "I just want to go home." Only to come home and realize that there is no perfect place. There are no perfect relationships. Life really is a rollercoaster.
My new theory with my cell phone (I got a new one 3.5 weeks ago) is to not enter numbers in it, but rather wait and see who actually calls me. Who I am important to. The reality of the matter is that those are the people who, I feel, should be important to me. We'll see how it works, so far, it's been amazing.
I also realized something else with relationships. I'm a runner. Things get tough and I run away--FAST. Right now I am avoiding going home b/c I feel like people there are unhappy with me, or disappointed in me. People from home want me there, but I can't always be there. They have VERY HIGH expectations of me, but I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes. I hate this feeling.
These are my insecurities...Being inadequate, not good enough, viewed in a bad light, not meeting expectations, hurting others.
Maybe I try to please PEOPLE too often...Maybe I should just focus on pleasing God.
My new theory with my cell phone (I got a new one 3.5 weeks ago) is to not enter numbers in it, but rather wait and see who actually calls me. Who I am important to. The reality of the matter is that those are the people who, I feel, should be important to me. We'll see how it works, so far, it's been amazing.
I also realized something else with relationships. I'm a runner. Things get tough and I run away--FAST. Right now I am avoiding going home b/c I feel like people there are unhappy with me, or disappointed in me. People from home want me there, but I can't always be there. They have VERY HIGH expectations of me, but I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes. I hate this feeling.
These are my insecurities...Being inadequate, not good enough, viewed in a bad light, not meeting expectations, hurting others.
Maybe I try to please PEOPLE too often...Maybe I should just focus on pleasing God.
posted by Bethany at 6/24/2005 10:12:00 AM
1 Comments:
"Maybe I try to please PEOPLE too often...Maybe I should just focus on pleasing God."
me too Bethany.. me too... :/ I think that's what He's been trying to tell me. I keep telling Him "I'm dull and can't hear you very well sometimes, so speak up." And it's as if the current feelings stirring within me as I roam some outer deserts of my heart with Him, He's showing me, rather than speaking up to tell me. Great.. just great. A visual tour. it sucks, but it's sweet at the same time.
Run home Bethany... open arms to embrace. They love you there, and He loves you more.
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