SO SO LONG...
Going on a little roadtrip to Chicago tomorrow...So I felt the urge to write one more time today. Actually, just had a lot on my mind. Shocking, I know."Good news...I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have..." [ELF]
So so long, on DB's new album: Modern Day Drifter--Ethan, you NEED to get this song, it's great. Anyway, I've been playing it over and over. Here's my struggle for the day...The ex keeps calling. Ever since he had this near-death experience, he's convinced that we actually have something. Now you should know that I was convinced we had something for 4 1/2 years and it's only been in the past 3 months that he has come to this conclusion. Before that I was his on/off gf of convenience...He loved to be loved, but could never show it in return. We've been done AND DONE since Thanksgiving. So, he's been calling.
Saturday he made me cry b/c he likes to tell me that I'm the bad person in all of this; that I have walls up when it comes to him and I won't let him in anymore. He's right. I don't want to let him in anymore. I've been trying to just be his friend, he won't let it rest at that. Dover describes it as a "toxic friendship" and tells me I need to guard myself. Everyone else seems to agree with Dover. He's right, Jake is toxic to me. He never makes me happy, or feel good about myself, or even want to talk to him...but I know that most days--with the exception of Saturday and lastnight--I do that for him.
"I'm tired." That's what I said on Saturday. I'm tired of loving and being hurt. I'm tired of being the support system. I'm tired of crying. He couldn't comprehend this. I don't know that I have comprehended it either. Here is the dilemma. Jesus never turned his back--on anyone--he was persecuted, yelled at, made a fool and hurt so badly, yet he loved. So, who am I to turn my back on Jake? I don't love him anymore. I never want to date him, kiss him or even spend time with him again. I still pray for him everyday (he's not a Christian) and I want the best for him, which is love, but I need him to let me go. Where does one draw the line and say, "I can't try to be like Jesus anymore..." Does one ever draw that line? I haven't come to that conclusion with this situation yet...I'd love to hear your thoughts though.
Here are other random things on my mind.
- It is frickin' cold outside! BRRR! Yet I can't stop running outside just to get a few raindrops on my face. I love the rain!
- I paid $20 for a car wash last week, now I am going through every puddle I see and squeeling like a child as I do so...My car is filthy.
- I went home for lunch, but swung through Eddingtons drive-thru on the way for some soup. As I pulled up I said, "Please let there be chain gang chili. God please." And there was.
- The more it rains, the more I wish I was out in a boat fishing. I love to fish in the rain.
- My "little brother", Mitch, is graduating from HS. I got him an Elmo card...I'm still laughing about it, he'll call me a dork, but it's worth it.
- Anita, my friend at work, and I stop dead in our tracks whenever we pass each other in the hall, or walk by each other's office and do "karate man" poses.
My point? There isn't one...Isn't it amazing how the simplest things in life can bring so much joy to your heart?
I decided I wanted to do a quiz. Yep, I'm a copy cat. Only 5 questions though:
- How many batteries does the average American go through per year?
- The US is 5% of the worlds population, yet we use how much of its energy?
- What is Dierks Bentley's middle name?
- Who is #7, #57 & #48 on the MN Twins?
- What is the mission statement of the March of Dimes?
Random? Yes. I'm just in that mood though, so hang with me. Have a great weekend folks!
2 Comments:
You should give me a copy of the song..
1. 50
2. 64%
3. Ethan
4. Mauer, Santana, Hunter
5. no idea
Jesus wasn't a pushover, so you can still love like Christ, yet have your heart be "on guard" with the Spirit so to speak. I think you're covered Bethany as long as you're continuing to pray over it all and offering it up to the Lord and seeking His counsel and listening for the leading of the Spirit.
and your quiz??? I totally fail, I'm guessin that batteries... um... 24, um... the US consumes 84% of world power, and the last three... I'm left wide eyed and shrugging!
have a safe trip!
Post a Comment
<< Home