And we danced anyway...

I have a heavy heart this morning. Wish I could say I didn't, but I do. I guess I just have a lot on my mind. I have anxiety/panic disorder...It's not as bad as it sounds...It just means I worry...a lot. It also means that on a bad day, the littlest thing can send me into a panic attack...Tears, hyperventilating, irrationality...I don't like that I have this, but I've learned to deal with it through two things. First being drugs...Haha...No I'm not an addict of any kind, but I do have some wonderful anxiety medicine...It's a gift from the other thing that helps me deal with my disorder--GOD. He is amazing and is the lake upon which I cast all my burdens. One after another after another.

Woke up abruptly this morning. I was supposed to drive my roommate to the airport at 4 AM. I'm a very light sleeper, she is not...We both stayed up late. Sidenote: We blame it on boys. At any rate, she was supposed to wake me up 15 minutes before she wanted to leave. Suddenly I hear my door fly open...No words or anything, she knew I'd jump up. Then she says, "It's 5 AM, I overslept." Frantically she is throwing clothes in a suitcase, I'm hauling luggage out to the car and we are off. Dashing through the rain, driving less than safe...I say a quick prayer aloud, "Dear God, let Janessa get to the airport on time. Amen." I believe in keeping it simple, I get her to the airport with a half hour to spare before her flight leaves.

Driving back home, I am just cranky. Usually music can soothe my soul, but nothing was helping. I got sick to my stomach lastnight at about 1 AM, was still sick this morning, had a lot of pain and it was only 5:30 AM. Great. I take a half of an anxiety pill (I only take halves, otherwise they knock me out like I'm stoned) and just kind of ask God to help me through this day. I can't help but think that it's a good thing my roommate and my boyfriend are gone for four days so they don't have to deal with my moodiness. I can just tell it's gonna be one of those weeks.

I go home...Turn on the teapot and accept the realization that I just need some Bethany & Jesus time. Screw showering for today...I'd rather spend the next hour with The Father. I start a new devo. book by Max Lucado...It's on the book of James (FYI: James 1:2-3 is part of my tattoo & close to my heart). It was great...He used two versions of James 1:1-11 that I hadn't heard before. Then I referenced the other passages Max added at the end. I love spending time in the Word and I just don't do it often enough. Slowly my soul calms. I haven't written in my journal for awhile, I wrote this morning. Not a long message, but a bit of a "thank you" to God. As I close my journal, I stare at the cover, it has Psalm 23 on the front. I just love to recite it.

PSALM 23:
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside quiet waters,
He restoreth my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I shall fear no evil,
For Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table for me in the presence of my enemies.
Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over
Surely goodness and mercy
will follow me all the days of my life,
I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Sigh. God is so great. Even though I'm having a rough week, we're going to dance anyway.
Lyrics: http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/carter-deana/we-danced-anyway-5317.html

Lord, please help me to never forget that my cup runneth over daily. No matter what struggles I face, how stressed or scared I am; You are with me. You never cease to amaze me with you unfailing love and utter mercy. Help me to shed all other concerns and be preoccupied today with how I can serve You. Be with me today Father and be with those who are on my heart, who need Your love today. Help me to support them and encourage them in whatever way You see fit. Help me to love them and everyone as much as You love me. You truly are an amazing God. Amen.