To Make You Feel My Love...

"Dancing is a conversation between two people...Talk to me."
[Harry Connick Jr., Hope Floats]

Garth Brooks: Lyrics: http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/hopefloats/tomakeyoufeelmylove.htm

I would suggest reading the lyrics, when you read them, imagine it is God, not Garth singing to you....Go ahead, do it....

Amazing huh? What wouldn't our God do to be a little nearer to us? He is amazing, remarkable and uncontainable. He loves us as we are and not as we ought to be. Yep, I still got that in my head. ;)

Lastnight was a rough night to say the least. I had a pretty bad anxiety attack. It was just too much at once. People moving, people depressed, I was unhappy with my appearance, stress, work, life, everything...It just seemed a bit overwhelming to me lastnight and the worst was that I felt helpless. I can do nothing to make these people that are suffering better. I can offer few words of wisdom, few things I say will comfort them and I definitely cannot tell them what will happen or what to do. I can however pray for them. That is a bit of comfort in itself.

I'm really good at praying for others...I like to do that. In all honesty however, I kind of suck at praying for myself. I feel a little selfish when I do, I also feel weak and out of control, I feel like a bit of a failure or a let-down to the Lord. Silly I know, but sometimes, it's just true.

So there I sat. Alone. Curled up on my kitchen floor between the fridge and the oven, just crying. Not nice simple tears, but shoulder-shrugging, breath gasping, my eyes will be swollen in the morning tears. No one was home to console me. I didn't want to call anyone and upset them. What was I supposed to do?

Now I should also tell you that I'd already taken my anxiety pill, so that option was out. I should also tell you that I do not like to pray out loud. I get very nervous about it...I don't even do it when I'm alone...It is usually only at my church meetings that folks will hear me utter my prayers aloud. Something someone said has been on my heart lately though--he said it in reply to my confession that I don't really talk to God about my eating disorder--here's what was said, "Do you find it interesting that you won't talk about your problem to the one person who can help you?" Yes. Yes I do find it interesting. That conversation just kept running through my mind as I sat there last night...Then it happened.

"God, I know I don't usually talk to you about this, but I'm not going to be able to get through this by myself...So, I could really use some help here." The words just kept coming and I was just laying it all out on the table for God to listen to. My soul needed to be calmed...As I've said before, I'm musically orientated. This soft, sweet song comes into my head..."Honey you are a rock..." Green Eyes, by Coldplay. I begin to relax...I begin to pray...Ah, God is good. It was so releasing to be so utterly honest with the Lord. If I could give you one piece of advice today, it would be to tell God what is REALLY on your heart, He already knows it anyway.

Started reading yet another book lastnight...Yes, we are at 5 now...Yes, I have readers ADD. Anyway, it's a tiny, short little book called, "Give It All to Him" by Max Lucado. If anyone wants to borrow it, I'll send it to ya...It'll only take you an hour max to read. He said two things about God that hit me, that are still hitting me...He KNOWS your burden...He WANTS your burden....So just frickin' give it to Him--OK? [I added that last part myself]

This blog is dedicated to my thoughts on my journey towards my dance with Jesus. The quote at the top is from my favorite movie...The more I think about it though, I'm pretty sure that I've heard Jesus saying it to me for quite some time now. :)

Dear Jesus, thank you. Thank you for nagging at my heart until it finally opened up. Thank you for trials in life because they allow me to see just how beautiful and faithful you truly are. Thank you for our conversations...Let there be many more. Amen.