NEW SITE!

THANKS TO A FRIEND...I don't have to use Blogspot anymore...CHECK IT OUT!

http://danced.livingrarefied.com


Please leave comments on that one from now on! THANKS FOLKS!

Simple, Horrible, Great Prayer...

Last night was a very long night. I got little sleep, but I feel much closer to God. God has put prayer on my heart lately...I've been severly slacking in that area. So lately, I've been getting up a little earlier, staying up a little later...Talking with God.

Last night something was very heavy on my heart. A friend of mine had asked me to pray for them, for some temptations and struggles they were having. They didn't know the reason behind the struggles, neither did I. However, as I lay in bed last night I was thinking about when my struggles are the greatest, it is when I am insecure and afraid. So this was my prayer...

"Lord take these temptations from my friend and place them on me. Lord remove the insecurities from their heart and place them on mine. Father let their fear become my fear. This is my prayer for my friend because I want to bare their burden..."

I believe in repetitive prayer (I just say the same prayer over and over), I think that way I know it's really on my heart and I am honestly saying these words to God. After about the fourth or fifth time I said this prayer, each time I went to take a breath, my lungs got heavier. It felt as though my lungs were made of cast iron. Each breath was agony and I could feel the insecurities and fears creeping up on me. My prayer changed at that moment. It became...

"Lord please make me stronger. Make me strong enough to battle these feelings. Lord, let satan have NO reign on me...."

I repeated that prayer also. Now, I wish I could say that I am so amazingly strong that this had no effect on me. The contrary is true, I had a minor anxiety attack. I survived though and I kept praying for strength and for more of my friend's burdens. God is strengthening me through this prayer.

I need to say prayers like this more often. My prayers have been so selfish lately. I think of Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3:

"14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious richeshe may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. "

If I truly know how wide and deep the love of Christ is, I can fearlessly pray this for my friends, my persecutors, and all others whom I encounter.

Lord, help me to grasp Your love a little more each day. Father help me to be fearless and powerful in my prayer for others. Father I pray that I may be strengthened in my faith so that I can become more like You. Lord, help me to Love You and others more. Let this not just be my prayer for today, but for everyday. Amen.

Thoughts on Relationships...

Yesterday, all I kept saying (as I was stuck in NJ for 6 hours) was, "I just want to go home." Only to come home and realize that there is no perfect place. There are no perfect relationships. Life really is a rollercoaster.

My new theory with my cell phone (I got a new one 3.5 weeks ago) is to not enter numbers in it, but rather wait and see who actually calls me. Who I am important to. The reality of the matter is that those are the people who, I feel, should be important to me. We'll see how it works, so far, it's been amazing.

I also realized something else with relationships. I'm a runner. Things get tough and I run away--FAST. Right now I am avoiding going home b/c I feel like people there are unhappy with me, or disappointed in me. People from home want me there, but I can't always be there. They have VERY HIGH expectations of me, but I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes. I hate this feeling.

These are my insecurities...Being inadequate, not good enough, viewed in a bad light, not meeting expectations, hurting others.

Maybe I try to please PEOPLE too often...Maybe I should just focus on pleasing God.

Just some random info...

There is a grad program in Miami for Communications:
http://com.miami.edu/Graduate/MACommunicationStudies.htm

There is also a law school:
http://www.law.miami.edu/

Just thought I'd let you know! ;)

Thoughts...Encounters...Etc.

Greetings from Sunny Florida! Actually, it just finished downpouring...but hey, that's ok. I walked the 1.5 miles to Starbucks, making it just in time to get me sweaty and miss the storm. God is good.

Here are the things that have been on my mind since arriving in Florida 2 days ago...

Everyone needs grace. Everyone wants grace. However we are often neglectful in our efforts to extend it. At least I have been. EVERYONE is worthy of grace, Jesus made us worthy of grace...So even the creepy McCreepster sitting next to me on the plane, who kept reading my magazine, taking up half of my seat and continually recovering me with my blanket, needs grace from me. So instead of getting annoyed, I needed to just love this stranger. That is what I did. In a selfish way, I feel better for doing it.

I am privileged. Example: One may not realized how blessed she is to have a car until she doesn't have one and walks miles in the Florida heat to get to and from. Far too often I think I forget just how blessed I truly am. Thanks Jesus.

People really are GOOD AT HEART. You'd be surprised how many would disagree with this thought, however I agree with Anne Frank when she wrote, "Despite all that has happened, I still believe people are really good at heart."

People I've made friends with since being here:

1. A homeless man who creates magnificent things out of the leaves from palm trees. He is so kind and his eyes are gentle. Lastnight I spoke briefly with him, this morning I saw him bathe in the ocean. My heart breaks for him.

2. 2 taxi cab drivers. One who had a strong accent and thought I was getting married while I was down here (I'm NOT). The second, a kind old man who was giving me traveling advice for the Ft. Lauderdale area (trying to save me $$). Both, so sweet and genuine.

3. My friend I just now made at Starbucks. A nice man, who very clearly wanted to talk to me. I switched seats to a comfy chair and he struck up a conversation. He is going to give me a ride back to my hotel. I realize some would think this is unsafe, I assure you this man is not dangerous (OK REID?!). ;) He's from Michigan, has taught in Japan, and is moving to DC.

I love meeting new people, this is why it makes people nervous when I travel alone. However, maybe I take too seriously the verse, "If God is with me, who can be against me?" I always feel safe because of that. I think God likes it when I make new friends. I hope it's pleasing to Him.

By the way, God was totally showing off today. First, beautiful sunny skies, calm, glassy ocean...Then thunder, black clouds and downpour. Ah, it is magnificent what He has created.

ON MY WAY!

On my way to SUNNY Ft. Lauderdale!  Thanks to the kindness of a certain
someone, I'll have a computer and internet there (thanks), so hopefully I'll be
in touch!

I absolutely can't wait, I sometimes forget how much I love Florida!

I hope everyone has an absolutely MARVELOUS day!  Love & Be Loved!

Words...

Words that are on my heart today....

ABIDE

FAITHFUL

ACTIVE

LISTEN

HEAR

BELIEVE

LEARN

CHALLENGE

TRUST

HOPE

DO

Just thought I'd let you know and see if any of those words touch your heart....Do they?

I've added some new "Blogs I read," feel free to check them out, I like what people are sharing.

LOST

Lord, I've lost myself somewhere. I've forgotten what brings me joy and that my joy comes from You. Lord build me up, cover me in your armor, let the Evil one have no reign over me. I've been so weak lately...I've been insecure. That is spilling over unto others, it is hurting them...Father please let them forgive me. Father, please forgive me.

I look to the East, I look to the West.

But nowhere do I see me at my best.

I strapped myself in, convinced I was ready for the ride,

then when it got a little scary, my spirit died.

This rollercoaster I'm on, it has twists and turns,

At every single one my heart yearns.

It yearns for for the climb, because that's the easy part,

It weeps at the drop because that is hard on my heart.

So up and down I go, on this giant machine,

Knowing the safetybar is pointless, for it is on God I must lean.

This ride I call a journey, a venture, a walk,

Then at times I question myself, "Am I all talk?"

And who do I bring with me on this ride?

Who is brave enough to sit by my side?

This ride reflects my spirit and on the way up it is high,

However on the way down it is low and I often cry.

At the high times, friends are close and it seems there are many,

However on the way down I look through tear filled eyes and wonder, are there any?

I weep, I scream and I shout,

but I'm fastened tightly in and I cannot get out.

Even if I could,

It is doubtful I would.

Because what joy is the ride and what would I have learned,

if throughout the entire thing my heart hadn't yearned?

Will I stop riding? Yes, someday.

When the conductor returns and all the tears are washed away.

Until the end of this ride however,

I need to learn how to manage the endeavor.

How can my spirit stay high when the ride is low?

How can I shine? How can I glow?

As to please the conductor and bring a smile to His face,

As to be an example of His amazing grace?

I'll keep my eyes on the conductor, I'll keep Him in sight.

As to ride the good ride and fight the good fight.

Being Aware of What is Around Me...

I did not intend to write for some time...However I also don't believe in disobeying God when He tells you to share. So, I will share today what He has placed on my heart. I will rejoice today that God told me not to retreat, but to be strong for His names sake.

"Our social surroundings can become so polluted that we twist ourselves into shapes that we do not want to be."

I deliberately didn't list the author of this quote, it's not important who said it, but rather that is was said. I would like to share with you two things; where I live and where I come from. I live in Uptown, a trendy, classy part of Minneapolis full of interesting and exciting people...I work in Edina, a wealthy city full or rich individuals. I come from a town of 4,000 people in north-central MN, people aren't exciting, they're genuine and hearty; it's not trendy, it's home.

I've been thinking about these two places a lot lately. I've been thinking about how when I moved to Minneapolis a year ago, I cried on a weekly basis because I desired to be home, I felt empty here. Then I became submersed in my new culture. I began buying things, going out, I became trendy. Let me tell you where that got me...It got me at rock bottom in January. Lonely, in debt, emotionless, searching...

I was searching, I was found. God scooped me up in the palm of His mighty hand. He dusted me off, dried my tears and asked me to please come home. To His Home. It took awhile, you better believe it took a few months for me to shake this nonsense out of my head, remember who I was and where I came from. It took me opening my eyes and looking at the world I was and am surrounded in. Looking and knowing what of this world is important to me. Oh friends, I still have such a long way to go, but I'm getting there. I realize I know nothing of this world and have everything still to learn.

This is what has been on my heart lately...A LOT. In only 5 short days of committing myself to being focused on seeing love and listening to God, so much has been placed on my heart. Or maybe not placed, because some of it was already there, I should perhaps say it has been affirmed.

I wrote a while ago about how I don't step out of my little realm at UR and experience and embrace other cultures anymore, but how I intend to be more intentional about experiencing other worship services. I'm becoming involved with a sexual violence center as a counselor and advocate because my heart is drawn to the hurt that is there. I'm learning...Learning about others, life, the world and Jesus. Learning more than I ever remember learning. My boundaries are being stretched, my limits are being exceeded and I am being prepared.

Prepared for what you may ask? That's a good question, one which I cannot answer. I do know that I have felt for several years that God is calling me to be a public speaker. I assumed I was meant to be a motivational speaker, now I am certain He wants me to advocate. To speak for those who cannot speak, to step out of my comfort zone and to do what I am afraid to do. God is indeed preparing me for something...

I am excited and I am fearful. Friends I was being twisted into the ways of this world, I had clearly lost sight of who I was...A beloved child of God. For a moment I almost let a few people's harsh comments knock me off my feet, but praise God that I am still standing.

I delight in the fact that I know my Jesus delights in me. I rejoice in the fact that no longer will I be satisfied with having faith; I will make a greater attempt to be faithful. To act upon that faith which He has built in my heart and to act without fear. I'm rambling and I know I'm rambling, so stick with me. If I can share one thing with you today, it is that I feel there are two types of people in this world...Those who stand there and watch as something bad happens and those who do something about it. God is calling me to do something about it, what is He saying to you? It is not my desire to be content, it is my desire to be challenged.

Where I'm at

God meets us where we're at. Thanks God. Here's where I am at, today my heart is so sad as I read all these comments. Granted, not when I read all of them, but when I read some. I am overjoyed at comments from my friends, people who know who I am, people who know where I find my identity--in Christ and nothing else. I am brokenhearted when I read judgements people make about me simply by looking at pictures or by the way I word things.

It's funny...We proclaim to love in the name of Christ, yet somehow judgement gets woven into that. It makes me sad. I have a feeling that a lot of people would disagree with a lot of the things that go on in my life. I drink, I don't have a drinking problem, but I enjoy a drink from time to time. I think my cousin is one of the most amazing people in the world, he's also a great Christian man, he's also gay. I love dancing, God gave me the ability to shake my booty and I do. These are all points that tend to cause a ruckus in the Christian world.

My point is that there are so many things on which we could judge each other...So many "specks of dust" we could point out...Processing through these comments and reflecting on my own thoughts and my relationship with Christ shows me that I will choose to do neither of these...I will choose to love, for that is what I am called to do as a follower of Christ.

I got this off of Milton Stanley's blog. It's from Phil McAlmond and today this speaks strongly to me...Today I needed to be reminded of this:

"Let us get back to the simple and yet Oh so very powerful truth, message and relationship of Jesus, the Christ of the Most High God. Let us cast off everything that is religious and return to the simplicity and unity of our faith, Jesus, Jesus, no one and nothing but Jesus, the Christ of the Most High God."

I don't think I will write for awhile. The purpose of my sharing on here was not to cause controversy, it was not to breed anger or frustration or judgement, the purpose was to share what God has placed on my heart. How I have learned to love by the immense love He has shown me...How I DESIRE to be more like Him. It was not to upset people...it was not to be attacked...

So, I will take a break. I will focus on loving God and loving others and see if that leads me back to this blogging realm. Until then my friends, Peace be with you. Love and be loved.

Jack & Jesus

Unlike my boyfriend, I don't typically like to upset people. (Just kidding--kinda.) However, with that in mind, I don't think that I have said or posted anything on here that would upset anyone. It is simply not the intent of this blog--Read a few blogs below if you are curious as to what the intent is.

So, I was surprised today as I clicked to view my comments that I have apparently upset one of my friends, Anonymous. I apparently upset this person so much that they felt the need to comment to me twice on the innapropriateness of my friends and I drinking. My deepest apologies for offending you my friend. Also, thank you for your prayers, however, may I ask what you are praying for me for?

Whereas I appreciate the viewpoints of others, it would be out of character for me to not respond to these comments. I disagree. I strongly disagree. Never was I raised in a way that Jesus and alcohol contradict one another.

Now, I could understand if alcohol was becoming a false idol in my life. Or perhaps I would be more open to this comment if I felt that alcohol caused me to stumble in my walk with Christ...However that is not true.

Let me tell you what I do know. I know that my Jesus loves me--AS I AM, NOT AS I OUGHT TO BE. I know that He is gracious and compassionate and utterly pleased with my efforts to become more like Him. I know that I am a sinner. I know that He knows I am a sinner. I also know that He was remarkable enough to already pay for my debts as a sinner and because of that I can openly and honestly admit my faults and short-comings to Him.

Is it so wrong for me to enjoy a Jack & Sprite? I would say no. I would say that I can have my Jack and my Jesus. It is fine for you to disagree with me...I will openly accept your opinions, but please know that they probably won't change mine.

Hebrews 4:14:
"14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess."

I have faith. I will hold onto my faith and continue to present my daily life to the Father. If someday I feel the Father telling me that I shouldn't drink, I will stop, until then, I will enjoy both Jack & Jesus.

Dear Jesus, thank you for opportunities. Opportunities for me to examine my life and to find You in it. Opportunities to hold firm to my beliefs and seek You for more truths. Thank you for the freedom to engage in discussion with others and to know that You are there also.

CALLING ALL LADIES!

ATTENTION:
Attractive, sensitive, funny, charming golfer seeks
lady friend.  Must enjoy rodeos, long walks on the
beach, candlelight dinners and Chipotle.  Applications
are now being accepted...Please include a current
photo and at least 3 references.

That's right ladies!  A hottie like this doesn't come along
every day!  My dear friend Ethan is on the market,
so submit your applications now!  We all know
a "deal this good won't last long!"

Chances are he may hate me for this...Oh well!  ;)

Why I Like the Rain...

"Why I Like the Rain..."

By: Bethany

Yeah, I know it sounds like a 3rd grade essay...That's why I gave it a title and put my name at the top. It's my philosophy that it's not always bad to think...or write...like a 3rd grader.

When I was younger I didn't always sleep well. I would toss and turn, often fall off the bed or wake up with my head where my feet should be. My parents loved taking pictures of all my random sleep positions--weirdos. ;)

However, in the house where I grew up I had the back bedroom. Now not only was this the biggest bedroom in the house, but it was also the bedroom that had the rain gutter on the corner. So every time it would rain...I would sleep. There's something about the sound of rain, the water running down the gutters and the thunder that is soothing to me. It's like the sweetest of sweet songs--a lullaby that would sing me to sleep.

Now, we may not live in that house anymore. My bedroom I sleep in at my townhouse doesn't have a rain gutter and I definitely don't have a big bedroom, but I still like the rain. Actually, like may be an understatement...I LOVE the rain.

Not only does it calm and relax me...It reminds me of Jesus. When it rains, it reminds me of being made anew. It reminds me of why Jesus died and the amazing ability Our Father in Heaven has to wash His children clean and look at them as if they had always been that way.

As I drove to work this morning, I was happy. Everything was wet...Leaves had scattered, some branches had fallen and birds were chirping everywhere. The sun shone bright and I could feel God's smile. Oh how I needed to be made anew today.

All of the frustrations, all of the anguish, all of the insecurities seemed to have been washed away with that rain. I woke up, did my little Bible study (I joined a women's Bible study...which is a story in itself), talked with God and got ready for the day. I knew today would be a blessing. How silly it is that I don't wake up and think that every morning.

Here are some major blessings I have experienced thus far:

• Got a major sponsorship for my fall event (in only 20 minutes)
• Had lunch with two great guys that I am lucky enough to call friends
• Looked in the mirror and felt pretty, which made me feel remarkably confident (Is it conceited for me to say this? Probably. Is it the truth? Definitely.)
• Spent a quality 45 minutes with God this morning
• Got another $500 from another company

Ah, life is so good. Why don't I always look for the blessings rather than the downfalls of life? Why can't everyday be a rainy day?

2 Corinthians 5:17:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come!"

Dear Jesus help me to see rain even on days when it is not present. Help me to never forget that I am made anew and that it is my desire to be in You. Help me to take time to be in You and in Your Word. Lord, help me to never forget why I love the rain.

The things I say...

Sometimes the words that come out of my mouth surprise even me. You know those times when things build up inside you and you bite your tongue--repeatedly--then suddenly WHOOSH all those bitten words come spewing out of your mouth? I had one of those times lastnight and I think it was good. It helped me to realize my train of thought a little bit.

Life's been getting me down lately. Well, it has and it hasn't. How do I explain this? Perhaps the wording would be more correct if I said, "I've been getting me down lately, the world has been inspiring me." Confused yet?

Satan has definitely been attacking my insecurities. Last night I broke down crying because I just feel so unhappy with myself. It's a horrible feeling. This is what came out of my mouth as I spoke with a dear friend about it, "And everyone says 'Bethany, if you truly believed and realized that God loves you just as you are, then you'd be okay with who you are too.' Well, I DO truly believe that God is happy with me just as I am, but I am not happy with me...I know that God will love me whether I weigh 100 pounds or 300 pounds...I am just NOT content with me. So where does that leave me!?" I was so angry! I am tired of everyone thinking they know the answer. Everyone pretending that they can understand my struggles. Everyone saying that I just need to believe God loves me a little more to be satisfied.

As I read Lampstand's (http://www.lampstand.blogspot.com) blog on failures, I am inspired. I don't think that Jesus is disgusted with me, I don't even think He is disappointed, I think He hurts for me when I hurt. I'm inspired by the way that Lampstand can say that even my feeble faith is enough for God. That God is well pleased with that. I like that he isn't saying, "Just rely on God a little more, just trust Him a little bit more..." No, rather he is saying exactly what I--and I believe so many others--needed to hear..."He is so pleased with what you can give to Him."

It's true you know...Our Father, in all His splendor, doesn't look at us and say, "Could you please just do a little more?" He looks at us warmly and fondly and with a smile on His face and a tear in His eye says yet again, "This is MY child, with whom I am well pleased."

Here's what I think will help me immensely through this day and the rest of the days of my life...As this is a continual struggle for me:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my
power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

"For when I am weak, then I am strong." Say it out loud. Shout it...Whisper it...Pray it, it makes no difference how you say it...As long as you can say it. There was a time, when I wasn't able to admit my weaknesses. When I didn't talk openly about the fact that I struggle with an eating disorder, or that I'm not good at praying out loud, or that I am easily annoyed...I could go on listing my weakness, but I'll spare you for now. At any rate, the beauty is in the reality that once I could admit them to myself, then I began to admit them to God and slowly, but surely, He put it on my heart to admit them (share them) with others.

Now God hasn't put it on my heart to share my struggles in order to receive pity or comfort or anything like that...No, God has asked me to share my struggles for one reason and one reason only...To show HIS glory. To show that HIS JOY is going to be my strength. That HE is made perfect in my moments of weakness. For this opportunity, I am truly blessed.

That my friends is why I blog and why I have become open to the notion of sharing my stories with each of you. A friend said that he was surprised with my openness on this blog, I say, "So am I."

Dear Jesus, today I pray for my friends who will read this, I pray also for my friends who won't read this. Lord I lift up all Your people to you and ask that where there is a tear today, You would be there...Where there is a fear today, You are there too...Where there is hurt, anger, sadness, despair, frustration and loneliness...Lord BE THERE. I pray that as we experience weakness through these emotions and through other ways, that we would know that You are with us. I pray that in each teardrop, we would see a reflection of You. Father, today let YOUR joy be our strength. Help us to remember that 'Your grace is sufficient for us and that Your power is made perfect in our weakness.' Amen.

Anxious...

Websters Dictionary defines "Anxious" as this:

Main Entry: anx·ious
Pronunciation: 'a[ng](k)-sh&s
Function: adjectiveEtymology:
Latin anxius; akin to Latin angere to strangle, distress -- more at ANGER
1 : characterized by extreme uneasiness of mind or brooding fear about some contingency : WORRIED
2 : characterized by, resulting from, or causing anxiety : WORRYING
3 : ardently or earnestly wishing

So, this word is on my mind this morning. I wonder however if it is on my heart too?

I had a nightmare lastnight. Now, I don't usually remember my dreams, but I woke up (I heard my roommate's alarm, thank goodness) absolutely terrified. I won't go into detail, but I was being "taken" and I was screaming, grabbing people as this man took me away and no one would help. No one. It was the worst feeling. I woke up with the worst feeling, I woke up afraid. My roommate thinks that dreams have meaning...I've never really thought that, but I've been wondering more lately if they actually do. If they do...What did this dream mean?

Do you find it interesting that the way anxious is defined, the first two definitions would indicate that it is a bad thing--but the third, not so much? I do. I think when was younger, I used to confuse being anxious with anticipating. I don't confuse them anymore, but this morning I feel both things.

I'm anxious...for several reasons. First, a friend of mine is hurting, struggling and I hurt for him. I worry about him and yet there is really nothing I can do but prayer and support. My other friend is lost in this jungle of lies and bad relationships...My heart breaks as hers becomes more broken...Again, all I can do is speak truth and pray. I had this stupid nightmare...Nothing I can do about it, but it makes me terrified of that fact that in two weeks I am traveling alone in Florida. Pray.

I'm anticipating this weekend. Going camping for the weekend with my best friend at a country music festival! I'm anticipating summer...Ah, the sweet sun, sound of the splashing lake and smell of trees and grass. I'm anticipating all the weekend trips I have planned and time with my friends from home at the lake; I really miss them today.

I'm trying to be anxious less and anticipate more. My friend Scherf was struggling with anxiety for awhile, we both gave up caffeine to help the problem. However, he suggested something to me that works sometimes and not others, but I like his train of thought. His suggestion to me was to pray about things I'm thankful for whenever my anxiety strikes. I suppose it kind of counteracts the anxiety.

So what is my heart today? I know it is heavy...I haven't quite figured out why. Is it filled more with anxiety or anticipation? I am thinking it has more anxiety right now and that's definitely not good. So here's my list of just a few things I'm thankful for today. I am thankful:

• That I have a job--A job that has summer hours
• That I feel at home in a faith community
• That I have parents who love me
• For the Minnesota Twins
• For the beautiful Minnesota landscape
• That I have amazing, supportive friends
• That I have everything I need
• For my dog, Tiny Bubbles
• For music and how at times, it seems to be the only earthly thing that can soothe my soul
• That my thirst for life and God is never completely quenched

BIG SIGH, much better. A nice thing happened while I was typing this, "big brother", called me on my work phone (it's always nice to have non-business calls on that phone) just to check in on me, since we didn't get to have lunch this week. It's good to feel important to someone. I think sometimes my anxiety comes from times when I don't feel important to people. Good thing I'm always important to God--eh? Today is going to be a good day.

Dear Jesus, please shower this day with blessings. Provide Moon & I with safe travel and fill our hearts with anticipation. Fill them also with joy--YOUR JOY. Help me to remember I am never alone and I am always blessed. Amen.

With a little help from my friends....

Joe Cocker: Lyrics: http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/easyrider/withalittlehelpfrommyfriends.htm

Not going to lie about it. Today is going to be a bad day. God, I am really going to need You today.

Figuratively speaking, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Now my bed is next to a wall, so technically I can only wake up on one side of it, but you know what I mean. It actually wasn't a bad wake-up either. I felt refreshed and ready to start my day. The radio was playing some good songs that I like and the day had every chance to be bright as bright can be. Then, my feet touched the floor...

Now I've been trying to be more faithful lately. I don't even know if faithful is the word. I've been trying to think of God before my feet even touch the ground in my bedroom. I think it helps. I had a professor in college, Dottie Haugen, who diligently reminded me that "If God is the first thing you have on your mind, the first thing you do in the morning, it will be a good day." She's right I think. Today I just shuffled my booty out of bed, turned down the radio (when I'm crabby, loud noises bother me) put on my robe and headed downstairs for a shower. I grumpily turned on the radio in my bathroom, tripped over something and was on my way to a great start of a day. Looked in the mirror, have a zit the size of Mt. St. Helen's on my forehead...Oh yeah, that's nice. Couldn't find the eyeshadow I wanted. Went to eat breakfast to find that the pan I soaked all night still wasn't coming clean. Grrr...Picked out an outfit for the day. Looked like a stuffed sausage in it. Changed tops, like this one better, still feeling fat. Going out for lunch today, which means I have to eat lunch today and get even bigger yet. My roommate thinks our house is too hot and that I turned the heat on. I told her that if the thermostat is on "off" the heat can't go on, she disagrees; I know I'm right, so that annoyed me too. I'm being brutally honest here people...This is how my mind is functioning today and I wish it wasn't.

This is how I should be looking at this morning. I woke up refreshed--YAY! That doesn't happen often. I had fresh strawberries on my cereal...YUM! I have a wide variety of outfits, I can wear what I want. I'm going to lunch with the closest thing I've ever had to a big brother, so I am excited to hear about his week & weekend. I have a roommate whom I love dearly and has been a major blessing in my life.

The point is, there really isn't a point. I'm human, this happens. I wish it didn't. I wish I never got moody, I wish I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw, I wish I wasn't so easily annoyed. That's just it though...The world is full of "I wishes..." I need to change those to "I do's" and "I'm trying's."

So, my friends, I would ask you to pray for me today. Pray that today would be a day of serving Jesus and not serving Satan. Days like today when I get so frustrated with myself--my thoughts, my appearance, my diet--it's those days when I find myself repeatedly asking, "Whom shall I serve today?" It's days like today that make me remember why everytime I eat a meal, I say a short prayer in my head, "Dear God, thank you that I am eating." No matter how mad I get at myself for eating, I know I need to be thankful that I am. Sounds crazy--doesn't it? I think it does. However, I also think that God loves for us to come to Him when we are weak. Times when we really don't feel like we have much going for us, times when HE is all we have going for us. For me, today is one of those times.

God has amazing methods of encouragement. I'm not much of a caller. I worry that people will be annoyed with me calling...I get nervous...Insecure. I am a planner, back home I plan all the get togethers; down here, I get nervous that no one will show up, so I don't even plan. It's silly really. I don't call my friends b/c I am scared they will be annoyed? (That's the devil talking.) I don't have people over for board game night b/c I'm afraid no one will show? (Oh, hello Satan.) Let me share with you one way God encouraged me this week...

My newer friend Katie is awesome. She's outgoing, fun and just a great gal. We don't get to hang out much, but I truly enjoy it when we do. She's a person that I actually feel comfortable going up to and saying, "When are we going to get together?" Well, a couple nights ago I get a phone call out of the blue. It was Katie. She had no purpose for her call other than to see how my weekend was and how my week was looking. It made me feel like a million dollars I tell you. Katie was God's way of showing me that day that I was relevant.

So, today, even though I'm grumpy, I'm going to try to keep my eyes open for God's encouragement. "With a little help from my friends" I think I will find it too!

Dear God, be with me and all my friends today. Help us to encourage one another and to build one another up just as You have told us to do. Lord give me the security to shed this worry-filled, anxiety ridden day and capture Your joy. Lord I pray that as my friends pray for and encourage me that I would also return the favor to them. Help them to know that they are relevant to me and that I am SO appreciative of them. Amen.

Nothing...

Oh yes, I have something to talk about today. Today I would like to talk about nothing. Confused yet? Don't be, it's a pretty simple idea.

Yesterday I wanted to sell everything. Sell everything and head to YWAM NOW. Check it out: www.ywamnow.org It's in Australia and God's doing some amazing stuff with the youth there. Did you notice I used the word "want". I did it intentionally because this is a fleeting idea. I voiced it out loud last night to my roommate, who looked at my with a bit of shock. Then I said, "Yeah, I can see my parents now...'Mom & Dad I sold the Audi so I can go work with youth on the streets.'" Oh yeah, that would go over well. Then again, we'll see...It could happen after all. As far as I can see though, selling everything would be the only way to afford the DTS, pay off the bills while I'm gone and put my heart in the place it would need to be for such a journey.

I often find myself consumed with thoughts...Thoughts like, "If I had nothing, would I be better at giving everything?" "What things in my life do I need to lose in order to gain?"

Some people would associate nothingness with emptiness. I would disagree. To be empty is to not be full, you can be full of nothing. If I am who I am in Christ + plus nothing, then I am filled to the brim with Christ. I like that idea. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I see such great value in nothing.